Josef Hoflehner - Paris, France (2009)
so, the place colin wanted to take me to in france turned out to be too expensive? so he texted me the other day and was like “would you hate me if we stayed in paris the full time?”
legitimately. he asked me if i would be upset if we stayed in paris for four days straight, just the two of us.
i have the world’s dumbest, but most adorable, boyfriend.
when colin and i were first dating and i moved to the states to go to college, we broke up in because the long distance was getting too hard for him. it’s okay to sulk, but you have to try and move on as well. i dated another guy and stayed friends with colin because i didn’t see the point in punishing him for being honest with me about his emotions. being there for him and showing that we could maintain that connection, even long distance, eased his fears. i stopped dating that guy and when i saw colin that summer we wound up getting back together. that was july 2010, and we’ve been together (long distance) ever since.
i’m not saying that’s what happens in all of these cases, but i am saying that you both need to do what’s good for yourselves. and if staying friends or dating other people or parting ways or getting back together is it for you guys? then you’ll figure it out, and things will be okay. i promise.
(colin’s going to try and get us tickets to go see colin morgan in the tempest!)
here’s the thing about going to europe to see colin: i don’t even know how to broach the topic with my parents. and i feel conflicted because i know how they’re going to respond. my dad is going to sigh heavily and use his angry lecture tone and ask me if i really think this is the best decision for my life right now. and my mom’s going to get flustered about it and get angry that i didn’t mention this sooner. and they’re both going to point out that i need to find a job and make money and that running off to see colin is a waste. and then they’re going to get awkward and upset about the thought of colin paying, and my dad’s going to start raising his voice, because conflict for him always means raising his voice to the point that none of his children can handle the very sound of confrontation between other people. and i just don’t want to have this conversation with my parents, but i told colin that i would let him know by the 25th and that’s saturday.
and then of course there’s always the fact that i’m 21 and i really shouldn’t be concerned with my parents when it comes to decisions like this but i’m living with them right now and obviously this is a conversation that needs to be had. but i hate talking to my family about anything personal in my life. we don’t do that. or, /i/ don’t do that. i didn’t tell my mom that i was even dating colin until she confronted me about it almost two months after we got together. i didn’t tell my mom the details of our break up until it came out in the middle of an argument a month later. i didn’t tell my mom when we got back together until a year and a half later, and my mom still thinks we got back together while i was studying abroad. and my dad. i never tell him anything. he finds out things about my life through my mom or by accident. i do not share my personal thoughts and feelings with them. i talk about movies, tv shows, books, politics, and history with them. i try to avoid anything remotely close to my personal life.
and deciding whether or not i want to go to europe for basically a month to visit my boyfriend in the midst of looking for a job right out of college is something super personal and just. i can’t. i don’t even know how to approach that conversation.
HOW DO YOU START A RELATIONSHIP?
DO YOU WALK UP TO SOMEONE AND SAY I SHIP US?
HOW DO I FUNCTION IN SOCIETY
I WOULD IMMEDIATELY DATE SOMEONE IF THEY SAID ‘I SHIP US’
the first time i told colin that i liked him, i was hungover and he’d just asked if i’d been “acting weird” the night before because i was trying to make out with him.
to which i promptly told him “no, you fucking jackass, i was trying to work up the courage to tell you that i liked you though god knows why because you’re an asshole”
colin wants me to come to london to visit at the end of june to sometime in july. and i think he might even want us to go visit france for a week or so? not only does he want me to come, but he wants to pay for my flights and everything. and i want to go. i do, god i fucking want to go to europe and visit colin and all of that. and like: how many opportunities does a 21 year old get to fly to europe to spend a few weeks with her boyfriend? it’s definitely a decision i won’t regret years from now, right? when i’m 80 and i look back on my life, i won’t go “geez, those few weeks i spent in europe right after college was such a terrible decision.”
but at the same time…i’ve just graduated from college. i have no money. i need a job, i need to figure out my life, i need to be an adult. i need to be responsible.
i’m just torn between which choice to actually make.